"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
