I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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