That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize