He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I can't put those talents on a resume
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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