Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
