btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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