I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
