I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
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