You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
