hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize