my mouth tastes like poor choices
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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