some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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