so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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