There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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