and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
