If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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