This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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