After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
