dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
