I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
