ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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