She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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