Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize