i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
