Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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