I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I wish I could punch you in the face.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
