I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
