Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I need to calm my uterus...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
