Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
