You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
