I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
