Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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