I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
