whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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