I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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