How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
