I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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