Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
