He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
