Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You can't just leave with hair like that
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
