My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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