someone threw a dead crab at me
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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