You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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