Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
