Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
