I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
