Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
