idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
