Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
