and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
