just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
