I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
