You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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