Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
