why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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