I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
