So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
