I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
