If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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