Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
