i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
