You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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