You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
