why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
