I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
