she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize