I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
