she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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