i would punch a child for taco bell
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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