hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
