The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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