I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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