I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
