It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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