I want to have your abortion
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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