I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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