It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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