I think i peed on brittanys purse
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
40s are totally the cure
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
