i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
