I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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