Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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