Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
