I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
