Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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