i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
