I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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