it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
