evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
