could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
