He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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