I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
