You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
