In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
