he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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