I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
