he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
