He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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