Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
