I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
