i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
