summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize