dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
