I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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