the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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