Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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