I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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